She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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