Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
