A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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