Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
