when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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