At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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