Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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