If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
