Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
