If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize