It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
