and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
