Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Randomize
