I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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