I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
