You're my little dorito
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
