He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
