Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
