he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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