Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
