I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
