I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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