Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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