are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
