So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
