My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
