My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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