Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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