I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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