I am puke
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
