I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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