Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
