Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
