yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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