He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
