my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
