we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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