I think I died a long time ago.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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