Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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