I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
