I wish they made helmets for livers.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
