Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
