I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
