I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
