i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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