Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
