there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
