I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
