I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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