i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
ttyl tear gas
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
